Where is True Love’s Kiss?

Where Is True Love's Kiss? | Sedruola Maruska

I, like you, am of the Disney generations.

Starting with “Snow White”, Disney started defining “true love” and “true love’s kiss” for us.

Disney wove certain ideas into our fabric that have shaped our perceptions of love and what it means.

Today is Valentine’s Day (a made up holiday, but nonetheless) so lots of people are focused on Love. So it’s the perfect time to talk about love and where to find true love’s kiss.

Where Is True Love's Kiss? | Sedruola Maruska

A Story

When I was nine and ten we lived in Salt Lake City, Utah. Why, you may ask? Because my dad received a scholarship from the University Of Utah. So we packed up our stuff in New York City, and moved to a foreign land.

My brother and I never had a hard time making friends, but I think certain experiences we had in Salt Lake City shaped certain ideas for us. Living in Salt Lake City was the first time I knew I was different.

One day I was out with a group of friends playing, when someone suggested we play “run, catch & kiss”. If you’ve never played, let me explain. Run, catch and kiss is like tag except you have to kiss the person you catch then they have to kiss the next person to make them it. . . .

Mommy Can I change my color

At nine it seemed like a good idea since we were somewhere between “yeah, I want to be kissed” and “YUCK”! Anyway, we started this game and something interesting happened.

I say interesting now, with the luxury of distance, but it was hurtful.

As we’re running around playing this game I noticed something that soon descended like a fog on each of my friends . . . no one was running, catching or kissing Sedie, me. So, one of my friends went over and had a “chat” with the boys letting them know someone had to kiss me.

In 1977 & 1978 Salt Lake City I was the only person of color in the group. As a matter of fact, my brother and I were the only black kids in our entire elementary school for a whole year. There were about 300-400 students in the school.

But, I digress. The game resumed with the “new rules” and a very brave soul stepped up, chased me, reluctantly kissed me on my cheek (others were getting kissed on the lips), and that was the end of the game.

Disney. . . Will true love’s kiss ever come for me?

Friends

The year we moved to Salt Lake City was the first, and probably only, time we received neighbor gifts.

A lovely lady that lived downstairs brought us a cake of welcome. At the time she had four children and the eldest two were mine and my brother’s age. They became our best friends.

We were such good friends that someone asked if the boy was my boyfriend. . . not knowing much about what that meant, I asked him, he said yes and that was the extent of our romantic relationship. We were friends, we loved each other, and that was that.

After those two years we moved back to New York and left our friends behind. We lost touch because time and distance but I never forgot them.

Years later, when the internet was a baby, I realized I could probably find my long lost “boyfriend”. So I began a search and sure enough, I found him. We chatted for a long time and through that conversation I found out he was living happily with his partner, a lovely man he’d met at a party.

Disney. . . where’s true love’s kiss for that?

Please join me on Instagram!!

The Messages

By now I was 29 and I knew there was true love’s kiss for me out there, but that was in spite of messaging.

What are the messages we get?

  • Girls need protection and saving
  • Boys need to save and protect girls
  • Girls can only be loved and saved by a boy
  • Boys can only save and protect girls
  • Boys don’t need protection
  • Only boys can give a “True Love’s Kiss”
  • Only white girls are worthy of being kissed

Definitions

What is love? Merriam-Webster defines love as: 1) Strong affection for another arising from kinship or personal ties; 2) Attraction based on sexual desire; 3) Affection based on admiration or common interest.

What is true? Again, Merriam-Webster defines true: 1) Being in accordance with actual state of affairs; 2) Confirmable to an essential reality; 3) Fully realized or fulfilled

With those definitions it’s probably safe to say that “True Love” is a fully realized strong affection for another. That means anyone can truly love anyone. . . whoa!

New Messaging

It’s exciting to see that new messaging is emerging. It’s been extremely slow, but as we continue to speak our truths and express ourselves, the messaging must change.

As for Disney:

In 2009, my little girl got the message that she’s capable of being a princess, strong, independent and kissable with “The Princess and The Frog“.

In 2013, little girls got the message that they could be strong, independent and powerful. They also got the message that true love doesn’t require a kiss in “Frozen”.

In 2014, little girls learned that true love will always save you and it comes from those who know and accept you at your best and worst in “Maleficent“.

And in 2016 “Moana” taught our daughters that the quest isn’t to find “one true love” but to fiercely fight for all those you love. . . truly.

As we focus on love today let’s remember this: romance isn’t love, it’s a product of a romantic relationship.

Love is love.

Where’s True Love’s Kiss?

So, as we spread our kisses, let’s make sure they’re true loves kiss of knowing & understanding.

Let’s remember we’re all kissable and worthy of true love.

Let’s remember, and teach our children, that true love’s kiss heals because it comes from a deeper place than has traditionally been portrayed in the media.

Here’s hoping that the characters in movies become such that ALL children can see themselves reflected (representation is so important) and know they are lovable and kissable because true love’s kiss is not reserved from anyone.

Where’s true love’s kiss? It’s in those around you who are always there loving you. It’s not only romantic love but familiar love and familial love . . Happy Valentine’s Day!

Who else wants to stop taking showers?

Who else wants to stop taking showers? | Sedruola Maruska

I used to take a wonderfully long shower every day. Even when we moved to California and my skin started to tear because it was so dry. I bought better lotions and kept showering every day. I never imagined I could stop taking showers back then.

Then I had a baby.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The baby’s small, so you shower only when someone else is around to make sure they’ll be fine. Or when they begin to walk, you want to be sure they don’t kill themselves, while you’re jumping into a 5 minute “shower” so you won’t smell bad at the end of the day.

Less Showering

I got used to less showering and realized my skin was happier. So, I’ve kept a schedule of showering every other day or two (except if I’ve had too many hot flashes, worked out, or it’s summer). It really depends on how yucky I feel or smell.

Who else wants to stop taking showers? | Sedruola Maruska

Anyway, after chemo and surgery, when things started to get back to normal, and I had less down time for self-care, I started to wonder how I could keep a self-care schedule that worked with increased activity.

As I looked around my bathroom I noticed pampering products that were languishing. Languishing because my self-care was always on the back burner. After all there was never enough time. So one day I decided to take more than ten minutes in the shower.

The scrubs and oils finally started looking used. Then, in December, I received the dry brushing brushes that were on my wish list. To say they changed my life would be an understatement, they have transformed the way I shower!

I still don’t take showers everyday (don’t judge me) even though my kids are old enough to leave alone. But when I do take a shower, it becomes a full blown spa experience that I’d like to share with you.

Shower Spa Recipe

Let’s start with the ingredients:

  • Dry Brushing Brushes (for face & body)
  • Shower Gloves
  • Shower Gel
  • Sugar Scrub
  • Coconut Oil (or any natural oil)
  • Shower Process

    Step 1: Use your dry brushing brushes to brush your whole body. My brushes came with a diagram, but if you don’t have one, just be sure to brush toward your heart. Starting from the soles of your feet all the way up to your face. Do at least 10 – 15 brush strokes on each area to make sure you’ve loosened up the dead skin.

    Step 2: Get in the shower and rinse right before using your shower gloves and shower gel to remove any last bits of dead skin left behind from the brushing. Rinse.

    Step 3: Use a gentle sugar scrub on your skin (hopefully one that uses a natural oil) and rub all over your body.

    Step 4: Pat dry then rub the coconut (or your natural oil of choice) all over your body.

    The Result

    After my first spa shower my skin was incredibly soft, smooth and smelled so lovely! I suddenly didn’t feel weird not taking a shower every day because it was now a getaway. A respite from everyday and a great way to:

    • stimulate lymph drainage which builds your immunity
    • unclog your pores
    • clear blemishes faster

    So, not only am I enjoying my shower more, I’m also helping my body stay healthy! Talk about a winning situation. Here’s a quick DIY Sugar Scrub my daughter and I made up a few months back, hope it works for you!

    One last note. . . enjoy the process in anything, that’s where the real fun is! Whether it’s a shower or planning a huge event. . . the fun is in the details (not the devil) enjoy it all.

    What’s your favorite thing to do in the shower? Whatever it is, I’m here for it so do tell.

What if we loved ourselves more?

What if we loved ourselves more? | Sedruola Maruska

What if we devoted this year to loving ourselves more?

That’s the question I posted on my Instagram to kick off 2019. . . what if? What do you think would happen?

What if we:

  • said “I love you” when we looked at ourselves in the mirror
  • had encouraging self-talk going on in our minds
  • didn’t worry about what others think, just how we feel
  • took time out each day to do something special for ourselves
  • treated ourselves like we want to be treated by others
  • complimented ourselves on our beautiful bodies
  • loved our hair
  • loved our skin
  • embraced our scars
  • fed ourselves nourishing foods
  • danced
  • laughed
  • cried
  • Simply allowed ourselves to be

The Proposition

Let’s make it our mission this year to love ourselves more. I’m not always good at being good to myself. Loving myself. But this year I’m not only going to help myself, I want to help you too.

From this blog, my Instagram, Facebook & YouTube accounts my mission is to become more of what we want in 2019.

So think about it. . . what if we devoted this year to loving ourselves more. . . what do you come up with as the result?

Happy 2019, let’s make it our best year ever!