You cannot succeed if you cannot fail

Sedruola Maruska | Personal Development Coach

“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

It’s an old question asked a lot because of where it allows our minds to go. So, I asked it in my Facebook group this week and it stirred conversation.

Fear of failure keeps us from doing what we want to do because we’re afraid of things like:

  • what will “they” think?
  • how will I survive?
  • it’s too risky
  • it’s too controversial
  • I need to go back to school
  • I need the right, better, more tools/equipment
  • I’m not sure I’m the right person
  • what if I look ridiculous
  • I don’t have enough time
  • they’re not ready

And on, and on, and on. . . .

Let’s remove the stress from your success

We’re afraid of failure, but failure is the learning curve. It’s what gives us the opportunity to build experience so we know when we’ve succeeded. There’s not one person we look at as “successful” that hasn’t failed many times in order to reach that success.

A new question

So, as I considered the question I thought up a new one:

“What would you do if you knew you’d fail often, but in the end succeed?”

What if, instead of allowing the fear of failure drive us, we opened ourselves up to fail so we could succeed beyond our imagination? What if we decided:

  • who cares what they think
  • I’ll be fine
  • the risk is worth the reward
  • controversy breeds innovation
  • I know everything I need to know
  • I’ll start right now with what I have
  • I’m the exact right person for this
  • who cares how I look
  • I’ll find the time or make time
  • they better get ready

You are a badass

Fear of success

What if in the end the questions aren’t truly about the fear of all things listed, but about the success itself?

Could it be that we’re okay with the failure, but it’s the thought of actually getting to our big success that scares us? Why? Because success brings change and change is scary. It’s unknown, it’s the “X” factor.

Seems like all our excuses and fears are only to keep from walking into the black hole of “how will this all turn out?” Well, it will turn out like it will turn out. If we always had the information beforehand, what fun would life be?

You cannot succeed if you cannot fail | Sedruola Maruska

It’s the unknown that makes the journey fun! You get up everyday not knowing exactly what’s going to happen that day. You may have things planned, but there’s always “something”. That doesn’t keep you from getting out of bed and still tackling your day does it?

“What would you do if you knew you’d fail often, but in the end succeed?”

Let’s embrace the “X” factor, move forward with a spirit of power and fail often on our way to success!

Where are your parents?

Sedruola Maruska | Personal Development Coach

‘Why are you riding your bike alone, where are your parents?’

That was the question asked of my 8 year old as she rode her bike from the elementary school in our town to my parent’s house.

The ride is just about 2 miles of straight sidewalk riding in a small rural town.

When I was 10 going on 11 we moved back to New York City where I walked 4 blocks, by myself to the bus stop every day, to take the city bus for about 30 minutes to school.

Yet, here was my daughter, riding with barely a soul around, and someone stopped to put the fear of life in her.

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Why are we so afraid?

There are many theories about why someone would stop and question an 8 year old enjoying a beautiful day on her bike, but we’d digress. . . .

Are you that 8 year old? Or are you the person full of fear that stopped to question her?

We live in a world where fear grips every aspect of our lives. But why live in fear. What are we fearing?

Fear sells.

Fear controls.

Fear kills.

Why live in fear?

I know people who want to do something different in their lives. Go places, experience things, build businesses, but . . . fear.

When fear takes hold it’s crippling. You’d love to take more downtime, but you’re afraid your children will hate you for it. You want to go out with the girls, but your husband makes you feel guilty. You want to build a business, but what if you fail. Fear.

Old White Men in Wheelchairs Scare Me

What if, instead of fear we decided to embrace positive expectation? When we live with positive expectation funny things happen. What was scary, isn’t anymore. What seemed impossible, doesn’t anymore. Guild no longer has a hold and, well, you’re free to experience life on your terms.

My daughter thought it was funny that someone would stop and question her riding her bike to her grandparents house. So did I. But then I had to let her know not to answer stranger’s questions when she’s riding.

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“Just say ‘I know where I’m going, and I’m fine, thank you’ and keep riding” is what I instructed her to say.

I’m not interest in having anyone project their fears on my children. I don’t project mine. There’s plenty of time for them to live in a “fear-filled” world.

For now, they live in a world where they are safe, happy children who can ride their bikes without the thought of “where are your parents?” looming over them.

As for my fears, I’m working on making sure they don’t keep me from doing things I want to do, seeing things I want to see and experiencing things I’d love to experience. I’m practicing Positive Expectation and living like that 8 year old girl. . . what about you?