Who decides beauty?

Sedruola Maruskaj Blog

I was having a conversation with my sister that turned to beauty. We were talking about marriage and anniversaries and how long some of our cousins have been married. We’re a huge supportive clan so we’ve all been to almost all our family weddings.

Anyway, my sister lamented that she looked “so bad” at our aunt’s wedding, but she just knew she was beautiful back then. “Why didn’t anyone ever tell me about my mustache or unibrow? How did I feel so beautiful?”

I didn’t think long before saying “we told each other we were beautiful so that’s what we all took into the world. We didn’t see your mustache or unibrow as ‘ugly’ we saw them as you.”

Who decides?

The more I’ve thought about that question the more I wonder, who decides what beauty is? Who decides that a woman with a mustache is less desirable than one without?

Did we lie or mislead her?

Mommy, Can I Change My Color?

Who decides whether we did or didn’t? I’m not sure. What I’m sure of is we were sincere in our praise of each other. We loved each other unconditionally and saw our beauty beyond the norms.

I was 95 lbs. until I was 34. That made me self-conscious because I didn’t feel I was beautiful at that size. I didn’t wear bikinis or show my arms. No one told me I wasn’t beautiful, but those I was around had curves I wanted.

My family always told me I was beautiful so I never truly doubted it, but there were counter messages that got through anyway.

At some point, someone in advertising decided what the “ideal” look would be. They took parts of ethnic women and created an ideal that has been etched into our minds. If we don’t feel we fit into that ideal, we think something needs to be changed. But does it really?

No changes necessary

No.

Beauty isn’t a product of what you look like on the outside, it’s a compilation of inner and outer beauty. I’ve seen men and women turned off by beautiful people because their beauty was skin deep. Then I’ve seen those men and women turned on by someone who would never fit the “ideal” because they glowed.

Scars To Your Beautiful

The next time you’re looking at yourself and thinking “I need to change. . . ” stop that thought. Think about your spirit. Think about your aura and consider if that’s what needs changing rather than your outer appearance.

Take it from a woman who walks around with and without breasts . . . no one cares how you look, they only care about who you are. Your person is what they respond to.

“Those who care, don’t matter and those who matter, don’t care.”

You are enough. You are beautiful. You decide, remember that!


The answer is yes

Sedruola Maruska | Leisure Life Coach

I’m currently an Uber driver for some very awesome reasons. It gives me the opportunity to meet different people and that’s so much fun (to me)!

The other day I picked up a young lady going to the airport. We got into a conversation about where she was going, and what she did for a living.

When she mentioned that she’d graduated from an art college and that she worked as an illustrator for a publishing company I asked a very simple question.

Me: Are you good at drawing?
Her: Well. . . I feel like if I say yes it would seem conceited.
Me: Uh. . .the answer is yes! Because it was a yes or no question.
Her: Yes.

So, I went home and in the course of conversation with my daughter I asked her a few questions.

My worst mother / daughter conversation to date

Me: Sia, are you pretty?
Sia: Yes.
Me: Are you smart?
Sia: Yes.
Me: Are you a good reader?
Sia: Yes.

Whew! After I registered my relief to her answers I explained how happy I was about her answers. I explained that I’m happy she knows her strengths and that she acknowledges them. So I’m sharing that message with you. If you know your strengths, acknowledge them.

When I was Sia’s age (8) or even the same age as the young lady in my car I’m not sure I was as forthright as I am now. I’m pretty sure I would have answered “I think so” rather than “yes”.

Where do we learn that? Boys don’t seem to learn that same lesson. They tend to be more on the “yes” track, even when it’s not true.

The answer is yes. When a yes or no question is asked it’s not meant to stump us, it’s meant to be answered yes or no. Where we get stuck is in wondering what the question asker will think of us when we answer in full confidence.

Hard questions to answer

Some of the questions many of us (ladies) have a hard time answering:

Are you
– Sure?
– Pretty?
– Good at ______?
– Smart?

If you’re sure, pretty, good at or smart, the answer is yes. It’s always yes. When you know the answer is yes and you pretend to be unsure of yourself, others become unsure of you too.

You set the tone. Don’t worry about what others think about your answer. If you’re putting it forth with grace your part is done.

Practice. Ask yourself hard questions that you know the answer to, then answer them confidently. That way, the next time someone asks you a hard yes or no question you can confidently say yes.


Ladies, it’s time to play!

Sedruola Maruska | Leisure Life Coach

When was the last time you took time to play?

I’m a mom of two, a wife, a business builder with aging parents and cancer. I know how hectic and overwhelming life can get. I also know that taking time to play is mandatory.

Did you know that play actually makes you more intelligent? It does! According to this interview with Dr. Martin Korte play promotes brain development by creating new synapses. According to my daughter it “makes more wrinkles in your brain.”

Basically, when we stop playing, our brains don’t work as well or as hard. That means, we find tasks more challenging, and frustrating. Could it lead to burnout? I’d say yes, but I’m no scientist.

Grab your copy of “Sleep: The Secret to Increased Productivity

People who keep playing throughout their life will continue to feel the benefit, because play always means thinking things over, learning something new, concentrating on something.

Dr. Martin Korte

Why you should play

In the last eight months I’ve thought about and done more play than I have in many years. Why? Because keeping a positive state of mind, being able to enjoy life and self-care depend on it.

Building a business that asks women to slow down, take leisure time so they can be more productive means I too need to do the same. Believe me, I have. It’s the reason I decided to make leisure (play) my platform.

We all live in a constant state of stress which can overproduce the hormone Cortisol. Which can lead to a weakened immune system, or high blood pressure. I’m not trying to scare you, but these things are serious.

Most of the time we’re stressed about things that could easily be let go. But we’re so focused on looking or acting a certain way we make ourselves sick. . . literally.

So, it’s time to play.

Epic water balloon and water gun fight, white water rafting, parasailing are all new items that have been added to my bucket list. Along with those are games with my family, more parties and quality time with friends.

Join me on Instagram!

Let’s create a synapse revolution! Let’s lower our cortisol levels to normal, boost our dopamine, build our immunity and lower our blood pressure.

In the end, it’s the fun we’ve had along the way to making an impact that we’ll truly remember and cherish.

It’s time to play!

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