Christian Doctor? Thanks, I’ll Pass

Christian Doctor? Thanks, I'll Pass | Sedruola Maruska

There was a time when I thought having a Christian doctor was beneficial. Growing up Christian I felt they were more likely to be kinder, gentler, more compassionate, understanding and in the favor of God. I’ve grown up.

I went to a small private Christian university in Michigan. Let me back up. I went to a small private Christian high school. I had many friends and no boyfriend. That transitioned to going to a small Christian university where I had many friends and no boyfriend.

Unlike some “Christian” girls I’ve read about who’ve made pacts to stay virgin, yet do everything else, I made no pact. By the time I graduated from college the most I’d done was kiss a boy. To be completely frank, I didn’t so much as get fondled. So, I was truly a virgin by the time I graduated college.

The Rash

In my sophomore year of college I developed a rash on my torso. I developed an itchy, burning, painful rash that makes you question your ability to stay sane through the discomfort. After a few days of dealing with the rash, I noticed it was spreading, I went to the campus doctor to find out what it was and what I could do.

“Well, have you been in cheap motels?”
“No.”
“It looks like scabies, are you sure you haven’t been in a cheap motel.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll prescribe some ‘kwell lotion’, but you should be more careful where you go.”

Remember when I told you I was a virgin? Well, I also would never stay in hotels because it wasn’t my norm. I had no money and in college you have friends to bunk with for vacations and weekends away. No hotels needed.

The implication was rude and a bit over my head. I didn’t understand why the assumption would be that I was in a cheap motel. . . until I looked up “Scabies”. My doctor was essentially implying that I was going to cheap motels to have sex and that I picked up this parasite in said motel. YUK!

Christian Doctor? Thanks, I'll Pass | Sedruola Maruska

No Help

The “kwell lotion” used to treat scabies & head lice made things worst. The rash exploded and became even more itchy. When I went back to report the results, the good “Christian” doctor dismissed me. You see, I must have been some kind of harlot getting what I deserved.

Let me pause here to say this, I was also a black female at a predominantly white Christian university. I was expected to be promiscuous . . . racially speaking (but that’s another post).

Fast forward to today and Christian doctors, the ones I thought would be filled with love, compassion and have a direct line to God, are refusing service to patients. They feel morally challenged if their patients are gay, in need of an abortion or they’re transgender. These so-called Christian doctors are taking people’s lives into their hands and playing judge and jury, when what they’re supposed to be are healers.

In Texas, Senate Bill 25 legally allows doctors to lie to their patients based on their “moral” convictions making it harder for parents to make an educated and vital decision about theirs and their baby’s future.

This gives me pause. I look at it and I understand what happened way back then in college, and at times along the way. My eyes are open to the piety.

I’m more likely to trust a doctor who isn’t “Christian” rather than one who is. The one who believes himself to be morally “better” may cause me harm for the “good” of . . . ?  I’d rather trust a doctor who sticks to science, facts and integrity to treat me and mine.

Oh, remember that rash? Turns out it was a physical manifestation of the stress I was under that year. One of my best friends lost her sister that year. We were roommates, I was the closest person to her, so I bore the brunt of her pain. I understood her challenge, I bore her pain, which in turn manifested in a rash.

How do I know? Because as I went to counseling to deal with the pain and hurt I was feeling the symptoms subsided. To this day, when I’m in a situation where I feel unable to vent my feelings, the rash reminds me to release my angst.

The guilt and shame I was made to feel because of my “lacking morality” distracted the doctor from finding out the root cause of my discomfort. Instead of judging me, he should have taken me as a young patient, in school struggling with a very painful situation. He never took the time to talk to me. He didn’t care to distract himself with my case.  I was left to fend for myself and figure it out.

My sophomore year in college was the year I realized  “Christian” doctors did not extend the love and grace of God, they sat in moral judgement of those they treated. I don’t look for Christian doctors. I look for compassionate doctors. I look for doctors who’ll treat me as a human rather than a “woman” or even a “black woman” and give me the respect, compassion and understanding due all humans. To me, that’s not found in a “Christian” doctor, but in a compassionate human.

Let me be clear, I do not believe all Christian doctors are pious, I do, however, believe that they are more likely to treat me from a place of moral piety. When I meet a doctor, if he comes off as “too Godly” I move on, I have no time for that kind of judgement upon my life.


Beach Body Madness, Do you have it?

Beach Body Madness | Sedruola Maruska

This post was moved from my other blog to this one because it’s more appropriate here. Beach Body Madness is something we all go through.

It may mean something different to you, but it represents the same thing: feeling that we’re not good enough for the things we want because of someone else’s idea of what that should be.

Where beach body madness begins:

Me: I’m gonna get into a bikini next year
Hubby: Okay
Me: I need to lose this belly first
Hubby: Okay
Me: Ugh, that means I need to workout hard, I hate working out.
Hubby: Okay

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this conversation with my husband. I’m going on and on about how I need to whip my body into shape so I can fit into my desired bathing suit and he’s going along for the ride.

He knows better than to jump in with commentary because there is never a right thing to say. He’s a smart guy.

My hubby thinks I’m beautiful. He told me so. He’s not worried about my baby pouch, he had a part in putting it there.

He wants me to be happy and comfortable in whatever I put on so he’s going along for the ride.

I’m pretty sure he also thinks I’m a maniac . . . he hasn’t told me that, I’m guessing (smart guy).

But the other day I was getting dressed for work and I stood in front of my full length mirror, again, thinking how I wanted to get into a bikini and what needed to happen first.

Then I stopped.

Really? Something needs to happen before I can be happy to wear what I want to wear? Why?

Why do I think anything needs to happen before I do something that is clearly going to make me happy?

I’m a beautiful, strong & intelligent woman and yet, someone else’s idea of what my body ‘should’ look like in a bikini is holding me back from putting one on.

It’s beach body madness!

Beach Body Madness, Do you have it? | Sedruola Maruska

 

If you have a body, and you’re on the beach, wearing what makes you happy. . . hot dog, you have a beach body!

Sometimes I feel resentment toward those who constantly lament their bodies, and yet, here I am, in the comfort of my walk-in closet, my safe place, lamenting the few inches on my belly that mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of life.

And yet, how many times have we not “worn the bikini”, whatever that means to you, because of a story we’re constantly telling ourselves?

Did you miss the party because your makeup wasn’t “just right”? Did you opt out of date night, again, because you were too afraid to spend time alone with your love because that would lead to nakedness? Did you leave that awesome dress at the store because it wasn’t “made for your body?”

Ugh, I’m tired of not walking my path, but sidestepping it to please someone else.

I’m not there yet, but I’m on a journey to wearing that bikini this summer. No, I’m not working out like a fiend or starving myself. I’m shopping for a bikini that I will love and that will love me back!

I’m looking at my body in the mirror every day and saying “look how beautiful you are!” Because I can’t expect it to come from anyone else but me. My husband loves me, but if he told me every day that he thought I was beautiful, I’d have him committed, or I’d commit myself since it would drive me nuts!

Bottom line is, I need to love myself enough to accept or gently change what doesn’t make me happy. But . . . BIG BUT . . . that doesn’t mean I’m mean to myself and chastising myself at every turn hoping for change or to suddenly fall in love.

Perspective

I’ve got a designer body! I’ve had two babies. One at 38, the other at 42. I’m pushing 50, and I look HOT!

I can and will always take care of myself so I can be here for my babies and grandbabies, but I’m not going to beat myself into submission because someone else says I need to look a certain way to have what I want.

I’m going to love myself enough to love my body and be proud that I’ve had the privilege of having babies. That I have a baby pouch that was created in love.

I’m going to love my body, and not judge myself so harshly that I can’t wear what makes me happy.

Beach body madness be damned! I’m getting and wearing that bikini this summer. . . We all have many “bikini” issues, this just happens to be one of my many. Thankfully, that mirror was kind and I was ready to listen.

Beach Body Madness, Do you have it? | Sedruola Maruska
Me in my new bikini Feb ’17

Please ponder the thought: What’s your “Bikini” issue? How will you work to move through it? What lesson do you think it will teach you?

Beach Bodies are figments of our imagination . . . let’s start living in the worlds we actually inhabit.

UPDATE:I bought and wore my new bikini when we went on vacation this past February. . . I LOVE it and it felt so incredibly great!


War on Your Intellect

War on Your Intellect | Sedruola Maruska

The war on your intellect is getting crazy!

You know what I’m talking about. The feeling of guilt you get when you talk about a topic intelligently and someone looks at you as if you’re speaking Greek.

The war that’s being waged on those who think by those who simply react. That intellect war.

Don’t cower! Never relent! Being smart and thinking with your analytical brain as well as your creative brain is important. You have knowledge for a reason. Don’t let anyone take that away from you because they’re not willing to get to where you are.

Pretending that you’re less smart than you actually are doesn’t do anyone any favors. We need thinking people around. We need creative people around. We need your intellect around.

I actually think I can do a better job verbally so here’s a video from the Left Thinking channel to help you grasp what I’m saying.

Be bold, be strong and be proud!