Are you failing at life?

Sedruola Maruska | Leisure Life Coach

Remember when your teacher would pull you aside and say “you’re failing this class, you need to do better.” (okay, maybe that was me not you, but go with me here).

Wasn’t it the most sinking feeling? It always felt like judgement upon your head or even worst, you were a failure.

Now you’re an adult with adult responsibilities. You’re even responsible for a few little people and you constantly hear that voice “You’re failing. . . “

But are you really, though? I mean, you’re still here right? You’ve got a job, a family? You pay your bills, taxes and even manage to take a vacation every now and then, right?

Then why do you keep hearing that voice?

If you were failing you’d be . . . well, not alive anymore I think. Who’d want to hire a failure? Who’d want to join lives with a failure, let alone have kids? Who’d want to hang out with a failure. . . would you?

The illusion of failure

The fear of failure is what keeps you “controlled”. The fear that you might “do it wrong” so why try is what keeps you in want.

Here’s a secret. Failure is an illusion. You only see it if you choose to look at it.

6 Lessons learned during my year of me

Let’s say someone is trying to create the worlds first widget. No one knows, so no one’s around to tell them how it’s going. So, they work on it and miss their mark over and over again. Finally, on their two hundredth try their widget does exactly what they imagined it would. Success!!

Do you think they look at the one hundred and ninety nine other tries as failures? I’m thinking no. Why? Because no one was there to tell them they were failing. Because every time they tried, they learned something new. Because they didn’t look at failure as a viable option

Again: Because every time they tried they learned something new.

Failure is an illusion. It’s a story we tell ourselves because it’s a story that’s been told to us.

Try and learn

Instead of saying we tried and failed, what if we said we “tried and learned”? We’ve all heard about Thomas Edison‘s famous line “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” He did not see or look at failure, so he succeeded!

Why are we ready to allow the illusion of failure to derail our efforts? Maybe if we didn’t see anything as failing we’d be more successful in pursuing our dreams.

The next time you’re starting a new project or venture:

  • Do it on your own terms
  • Quiet your negative mind
  • Be bold
  • Remember you’re learning at every turn

Let’s go out and erase failure. Who needs it anyway?


The answer is yes

Sedruola Maruska | Leisure Life Coach

I’m currently an Uber driver for some very awesome reasons. It gives me the opportunity to meet different people and that’s so much fun (to me)!

The other day I picked up a young lady going to the airport. We got into a conversation about where she was going, and what she did for a living.

When she mentioned that she’d graduated from an art college and that she worked as an illustrator for a publishing company I asked a very simple question.

Me: Are you good at drawing?
Her: Well. . . I feel like if I say yes it would seem conceited.
Me: Uh. . .the answer is yes! Because it was a yes or no question.
Her: Yes.

So, I went home and in the course of conversation with my daughter I asked her a few questions.

My worst mother / daughter conversation to date

Me: Sia, are you pretty?
Sia: Yes.
Me: Are you smart?
Sia: Yes.
Me: Are you a good reader?
Sia: Yes.

Whew! After I registered my relief to her answers I explained how happy I was about her answers. I explained that I’m happy she knows her strengths and that she acknowledges them. So I’m sharing that message with you. If you know your strengths, acknowledge them.

When I was Sia’s age (8) or even the same age as the young lady in my car I’m not sure I was as forthright as I am now. I’m pretty sure I would have answered “I think so” rather than “yes”.

Where do we learn that? Boys don’t seem to learn that same lesson. They tend to be more on the “yes” track, even when it’s not true.

The answer is yes. When a yes or no question is asked it’s not meant to stump us, it’s meant to be answered yes or no. Where we get stuck is in wondering what the question asker will think of us when we answer in full confidence.

Hard questions to answer

Some of the questions many of us (ladies) have a hard time answering:

Are you
– Sure?
– Pretty?
– Good at ______?
– Smart?

If you’re sure, pretty, good at or smart, the answer is yes. It’s always yes. When you know the answer is yes and you pretend to be unsure of yourself, others become unsure of you too.

You set the tone. Don’t worry about what others think about your answer. If you’re putting it forth with grace your part is done.

Practice. Ask yourself hard questions that you know the answer to, then answer them confidently. That way, the next time someone asks you a hard yes or no question you can confidently say yes.


What’s your self story

Sedruola Maruska | Leisure Life Coach

Do you have a self story? You know, a story you tell yourself and others on a regular basis. A story that’s probably not true, but because you’ve told this story so many times you don’t recognize it as a fairy tale. That self story.

Self stories can be empowering or destructive. We get to choose which ones we tell or which ones we ignore. These stories can be reinforced by the media we consume or experiences we’ve had in life.

In any case, they’re all stories we tell ourselves on a regular basis. But are they true?

Years ago I read about a man who never got sick. His theory was that he told himself he didn’t get sick and that was that. He didn’t get sick. On the flip side, I know people who say “I get sick all the time” and sure enough they get sick all the time. Whatever germ is around is theirs to share.

I know it sounds weird right? Well, it didn’t hurt to try, so I tried it with something that seemed more controllable, my timeliness.

No watch?

Instead of being controlled by and being late for appointments, I told myself “I’m always on time” and ditched the watch. What happened, I’m usually on time.

Could it be that our self stories are alterable? Wouldn’t that be awesome!

Stories we tell ourselves

There are a ton of stories we can tell ourselves, here are a few I hear A LOT:

  • I’m always late
  • I’m bad at math
  • I’m a terrible cook
  • I’m not very athletic
  • I can’t lose weight
  • I can’t gain weight
  • No one wants to hear from me
  • I’m not very interesting

In my experience, most of these are stories we tell ourselves so we don’t have to try hard to change them. Instead of owning our power, we give it away.

What if, instead we changed our self story to more empowering phrases like:

  • I’m always on time
  • I’m pretty good at math
  • I cook pretty well
  • I’m athletic
  • I’m living a healthy lifestyle
  • I’m working to build muscle
  • My voice is important
  • My story is worth sharing

What if? Try it and see how it fits. You may be pleasantly surprised.